literature

Venaitura REWRITTEN

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Here's the revised and rewritten script. The first 8 pages.






Venaitura, Issue #1 Page 1

by Justin


PAGE ONE (three panels)


Panel 1. Large panel. Establishing shot of VENAITURA, a magnificent tower-esque fortress that is anchored in to the earth. This is a birds-eye view. The fortress is otherworldly, and not something that could have been built by man. It exudes a terribly violent aura that has killed the local flora and fauna for miles. The fortress is surrounded by a very rugged and mountainous terrain, with dangerous bogs seeping poisonous miasma spotted along the path leading in to its hellish entryway. Three barely recognizable figures are entering the fortress (or depending on how far away we're positioned, they don't need to be there at all.) Their details (if they're there) can't be recognized.



1 CAP: DEMON FORTRESS VENAITURA


2 CAP: I lead both of them in there knowing the dangers that would await us. I knew I had Reynaldo to rely on, but for how long could I keep this away from her? It became more ridiculous by the minute. She shouldn't have come with us.



Panel 2. Worms-eye view with a dutch tilt as we watch three people approach Venaitura's entrance from behind. These people are three of the four primary protagonists: Aaron, Reynaldo, and Buima (with Aaron in front and Buima in back.)



3 BUIMA: You want us to go in there? Are you serious? Aaron, this is ridiculous! What are you thinking?!


4 AARON: You don't have to follow us you know, Buima. It's

entirely your choice!



(More)


Venaitura, Issue #1 Page 2

by Justin


PAGE ONE, CONTINUED


Panel 3. Close medium shot of Buima. Buima is in her early twenties, and is a human who is well-versed in magic and its mystical properties. She's a strong individual in both spirit and mind, and it shows through her appearance. She's a very beautiful woman, but prefers not to decorate herself with jewelry and other unneeded accessories. Regardless, she does wear a gorgeous diamond necklace that was given to her from her grandmother when she was sixteen. The clothing she (and the other characters) wear can be decided entirely by the artist. The time period does have to be considered, of course, and this story was made with the Middle Ages (medieval) in mind, so their attire must be designed accordingly. In the panel, Buima is showing concern for her foolish brother, but is also very unhappy and frustrated with his decision.


5 BUIMA: My choice? How could I possibly allow you to go in there with just Reynaldo? Neither of you know any proper magic, and you'd undoubtedly be killed! This isn't a game!



























Venaitura, Issue #1 Page 3

by Justin


PAGE TWO (four panels)


Panel 1. Long medium shot of Aaron, Reynaldo, and Buima as they take their first steps in to the fortress. Aaron is giving little mind to Buima, who continues to try and sway his decision. Reynaldo simply ignores them both, and actually appears to be quite amused with the bickering siblings. Aaron and Reynaldo are both demons, and hide it fairly well. However, because of their heritage they're both fairly lean and muscular, but not overly so. Aaron and Reynaldo are both in their early twenties. Aaron has shoulder-length hair, while Reynaldo's is not very long at all—not a buzz-cut, but it doesn't go passed his ears in length. Aaron is also taller, and although they are roughly the same age, appears older, wiser, and more handsome than his friend. A very distinguishable feature about Reynaldo are that his eyes are more narrow that Aaron's, and he is usually seen with a constant smile on his face.


1 AARON: Yeah, yeah. I know that it's not a game, you don't have to keep telling me. But that doesn't change the fact that it's your choice to follow us, does it?


2 REYNALDO: Yuh-huh. He's right you know, Buima! And we do know magic, what're you talkin' about?


3 BUIMA: Only because I've been looking after you up until this point. And I'm not going back there alone! Rey, your magic is next to useless. It just delays you from dying, and prevents nothing!



Panel 2. Close-up on Buima. She's just realized something that's both instantaneously confused and frightened her.


4 BUIMA (thought): Wait a minute... this can't be right.



Panel 3. Long shot of Buima, now stopped. She's standing just in from the entrance of the fortress.



Panel 4. Positioned outside of the fortress's entrance, looking in on Buima, who has turned around to look back at the entrance. Aaron and Reynaldo have continued further in the the structure.


5 BUIMA (small): It's just open...? There's no seal?

Venaitura, Issue #1 Page 4

by Justin Hayes


PAGE THREE (four panels)


Panel 1. Establishing shot. Aaron, Reynaldo, and Buima enter a gigantic, highly decorated room with countless ivory pillars spotted throughout. Each pillar has been masterfully crafted by what appears to be a genius in artistic design, as they're cut with the utmost care to the tiniest detail. There are also multiple doors scattered throughout the room. The room radiates a dark brilliance. A dark aura hangs in the air, but most—if not all—of the objects and decor are angelic and heavenly in design. Feel free to add whatever else you think may be fitting.


1 REYNALDO: Oh ho. Who decorated this place, I wonder? It's awfully pretty!


2 AARON: It's not bad looking, is it? I pictured something more... horrific. This doesn't seem to match the description of the "grand palace of hell."



Panel 2. Positioned at the other end of the room, and looking over to the group who have just entered. We're just getting another look at the room from a different angle.



Panel 3. Close medium shot of Buima. She's uneasy, and looks around as if to suspect someone or something else to appear.



Panel 4. Over the shoulder shot from Reynaldo, who's looking over to one of the doors on the far side of the room.


3 REYNALDO: Boy, oh boy. This is going to be a blast! I can already see how much fun we're going to have navigating this place!












Venaitura, Issue #1 Page 5

by Justin


PAGE FOUR (five panels)


Panel 1. Buima is deep in thought. She's still wondering about the entrance, and how it was wide open when there was supposed to be a barrier covering it to prevent access to the fortress.


1 BUIMA (thought): It's not right. We shouldn't be in here. The Seven Sages themselves placed that there, so why...?



Panel 2. Close medium back-shot of Aaron. He's preoccupied with talking to Reynaldo.


2 BUIMA (OP): Aaron...



Panel 3. Buima has caught Aaron's attention, and he partially turns to hear her out.


3 AARON: Hm?



Panel 4. Medium shot of Buima. She's taken a much more serious attitude toward the situation, and is demanding an answer from Aaron regarding the flaw she's noticed regarding them even being where they are.


4 BUIMA: How were we able to get in here? Where was the barrier that was supposed to protect the entrance? I didn't even think of it, but there's supposed to be one there!



Panel 5. Extreme closeup on one of Aaron's eyes. They have, for an instant, filled with fright. Buima has already caught on.


5 SFX BA BUMP


6 AARON: Ahh...







Venaitura, Issue #1 Page 6

by Justin


PAGE FIVE (four panels)


Panel 1. Long medium shot of both Aaron and Buima. Aaron is trying to shake off being suddenly overwhelmed with seriousness. He laughs, and simply dismisses what Buima says with an "oh, really? I didn't notice!" kind of attitude. Buima does not buy what he is saying for a minute, and is becoming angry.


1 AARON: What? A barrier? Ha ha... I never heard of there being such a thing! And if there was, it probably wore off ages ago! Ha ha ha...


2 BUIMA: You know what? I don't believe a word you're saying.


3 AARON: It's the truth! And if there was, then where did it go? Neither of us used any magic, so it probably expired or something!



Panel 2. Closeup of Buima's face. She's still pissed off, and simply gives Aaron an "are you serious?" look.


4 BUIMA: Uh-huh...


5 REYNALDO (OP): He's right, y'know! Buima... I think you're just a tad too serious.



Panel 3. Medium shot of Buima and Reynaldo. Reynaldo has wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and snuggled in tight so that he's cheek is almost touching hers. Buima gives him a disinterested look.


6 REYNALDO: You need to lighten up! Have some fun. It's an

adventure, so get a little enjoyment out of it!


7 BUIMA: It's kind of hard to "lighten up" when we're "adventuring" in such a dangerous place.


8 REYNALDO: Ahhh... fiddlesticks!



(MORE)




Venaitura, Issue #1 Page 7

by Justin


PAGE FIVE, CONTINUED


Panel 4. Long shot positioning us down the hallway that leads from the entrance to the room that the group is currently standing in. Their shapes can barely be recognized. Something is rushing up the hallway, and we are seeing things from this persons point of view.


9 SFX: FWOOOOO







































Venaitura, Issue #1 Page 8

by Justin


PAGE SIX (five panels)


Panel 1. A closeup as Buima grabs on to Reynaldo's arm.


1 SFX: GRIP



Panel 2. Zoom out. Buima is smiling, as if to mind her own business, and turning her head away to make it seem as if nothing were happening. Reynaldo simply watches with a grin.



Panel 3. A closeup on Reynaldo's face as it is suddenly overcome with pain. Buima's using her magic to burn his arm, and the sizzling can even be heard.


2 SFX: SSSSSSSSS


3 REYNALDO: Agh!



Panel 4. Zoom in on Reynaldo's arm as Buima releases her grip. There is a burn mark in the shape of her hand on his arm.


4 SFX: SSSS



Panel 5. Buima has turned her figure towards the exit as she releases Reynaldo's arm. Aaron takes a step in to see what has happened, while Reynaldo blows on his arm to ease the pain.


5 BUIMA: I don't think I can take this.


6 REYNALDO: Agh! Damn it, girl! Why'd you go and do that?!


7 SFX: BLOW


8 AARON: Rey! What's wrong?









Venaitura, Issue #1 Page 9

by Justin


PAGE SEVEN (five panels)


Panel 1. Buima has turned away from both Aaron and Reynaldo, and is making her way down the hallway and back towards the entrance. She's had enough of this foolishness, and would rather go home than proceed any further. Reynaldo and Aaron are still tending to Rey's arm in the background (if we can see them).


1 BUIMA: Yeah, I've had enough. You two can keep your secrets. You can also explore this place by yourselves. I'm heading back.



Panel 2. Shot from behind Aaron and Reynaldo as they watch Buima make her exit. They do nothing to stop her.



Panel 3. A close medium shot of Aaron. He's disappointed that Buima decided to leave them, but knows that it was for her own good. He'd rather it this way, but it still hurts.


2 AARON: Buima...



Panel 4. Zoomed out shot of Buima walking down the hallway towards the exit.



Panel 5. Small shot from the perspective of an invisible force rushing towards Buima.

















Venaitura, Issue #1 Page 10

by Justin


PAGE EIGHT (four panels)


Panel 1. Close up on Buima's diamond necklace. It is cut, and loses its grip around her neck. This is the very instant that the unknown figure has made on cut in the necklace in an attempt to steal it, so the two pieces should only barely be separated, but far enough apart so that we're able to notice it.


1 SFX: TEP



Panel 2. The largest panel on the page. Buima is knocked back by an incredible force, and this very force has also stolen her diamond necklace. This unknown force is Fern, another of the leading protagonists. He is invisible at the moment however, and so we're left to question what exactly happened to Buima.


2 BUIMA: AIEEEEEE!!!


3 SFX: SCHWOOOOOO


Panel 3. Both panel 3 and 4 are close up reaction shots of Aaron and Reynaldo respectively. They're shocked by Buima's sudden scream. Panel 3 shows Aaron.


4 AARON: Buima?!


Panel 4. Reynaldo's reaction shot.


5 REYNALDO: ...?!

















Venaitura, Issue #1 Page 11

by Justin


PAGE NINE(panels)


Panel 1.
Rewrite of my earlier comic script entitled "Venaitura." Here are the first 8 pages (out of 40~)
© 2010 - 2024 Zeromatrious
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halibabica's avatar
So...were you hoping for advice on the script before you actually make the comic, then?